Fifteen Rules of Writing

Here are fifteen rules of writing:

1. Puns are for children, not groan readers
2. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement
3. Verbs has to agree with their subjects
4. One should NEVER generalize
5. Kill all exclamation points!!!
6. Don’t use no double negatives
7. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration
8. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction
9. One-word sentences?  Eliminate
10. If you’ve heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times - resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly
11. Who needs rhetorical questions?
12. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous
13. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice
14. Avoid cliches like the plague; they’re old hat
15. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out

Can you add any more to these? 

Lost in Translation

Words are pretty interesting things as far as I’m concerned.  While body language, facial expressions, pictures and music can undoubtedly communicate many wonderful things (and can arguably convey emotion in a way that words often can’t), words are the most precise way we have of communicating ideas, beliefs and observations.  With words, we can insult people, compliment people, persuade, inform, tell jokes, argue, warn, comfort, lie, instruct, request, entertain, etc etc etc. 

Translations gone wrong can be a lovely and sometimes amusing reminder of how much we rely on words to understand ourselves, each other and our world.  Years ago, I heard about an inventor who was working on developing a translating gadget that could translate almost anything from Russian into English and vice versa.  After years of hard work, the inventor decided to test the gadget by typing a fairly obscure phrase into the gadget - he chose to type in the phrase ’The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.’  (Students: what do you think this phrase means?) The inventor then clicked on the ‘Translate into Russian’ button and the Russian version appeared on the screen.  However, the inventor decided to further test the gadget by translating the phrase back into English.  If the original English phrase appeared exactly the same as he first typed it in, he would know he was onto a winner.  Unfortunately, the phrase that appeared on the gadget’s screen was ‘The vodka is good but the meat is rotten.’ 

If you want to take a look at some funny translations, click on the ’Funny Translations’  link.  It’s also fun to have a go at translating phrases from English to another language and back again.  If you want to have a go at this, you’ll need to do the following:

1. Click on the ‘Translation’ link
2. Once you are at the translating website, type an English phrase into the text box
3. Choose a language from the drop-down box to translate your phrase into and click ‘Translate’
4. Now highlight and copy that phrase into the same text box in which you typed your English phrase
5. Choose ‘Translate to English’ from the drop-down menu and see how much your original phrase has changed!

Writing Activities

My Year 8 students were recently given a bunch of confusing sentences like the following:

• The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
• Since there is no time like the present, he decided to present the present.
• After a number of injections my jaw got number.

After rewriting these, they came up with their own confusing sentences.  Here are some of the best ones:

• I put my bare hand on a bear.
• I had to watch my watch.
• When I left the house I looked left for cars.
• Did you see that ship that went out to sea?

Students were also given a number of ’snooty’ phrases to translate into common English: ‘Ambulate with extreme vigilance,’ for example, became ‘Watch your step.’

They then came up with their own ’snooty’ versions of common phrases.  Can you guess which common phrases the following sentences have come from?

• Do not neglect to gaze before you spring into the atmosphere.
• Use your sight before you forcefully rise from the ground.
• Refrain from computing your fowl before they have incubated.

The Blog is Mightier than the (Black) Board

Hello there!

 Is the blog mightier than the blackboard?  I’m not sure yet, but time will tell.  The title of this blog comes from one of my favourite sayings.

 Can you guess what the original form of the saying might be?  If you don’t know, click on the dictionary link in the links bar.  Once you are at that website, click on ‘Idioms’ (which just means ‘common sayings’) and do a search for ‘Mightier’.  See if you can find the idiom on which I based the title for my blog.  When you have found a similar saying, think about what it might mean and the extent to which you agree with it.

 One other thing before I finish my highly exciting first post: a student in my Year 8 class wrote a very good essay comparing everyday life in the Middle Ages with everyday life in modern Australia.  Click on the link to ‘Medieval Essay’ if you want to have a look.

Hello world!

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